| We are playing in the water. Lauren is not afraid of water at all and she just goes running in. Later whe starts picking up the green kelp and throws it at me. Brave little girl. |
Monday, September 13, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
One Year
It has been one 365 days since I was kicked out by a man that may never find peace and contentment in his life. I worked a sixteen hour day because I was not sure what I would feel like.
After truely living the 365 days, I for a brief moment contemplated sending a Thank You card to him.. That did not last long. I have had one of the hardest years of my life. I have cryed till I was sick and vomitted, prayed till my knees where bruised, ran till my lungs hurt, sat alone so many times I thought I would die. I was not sure I would see a real happy day again. I was sure dead was better than alive. I did not want to read, work, garden or do any craft. I watched all my movies more than once. While watching one of the movies, which I will not mention the movie, there is a line, "You can either, get busy dying or get busy living." It stuck with me for a long time and I really have always liked that line. I pondered this and realized I was not living, not the kind of living I usually did. Which in contrast must mean I am dying.
Again pondering and sitting by my computer, I looked up and had placed many photos of God's gifts they he sent in my life. I broke down and cryed hard and realized there where 5 one on the way sweetest things on this earth, who did love me. What kind of legacy do I want to leave to all the critters that will come into my life? I feel to my knees on my favorite purple praying rug and thanked Heavenly Father for the wonder PARENTS of these precious souls and for the precious souls. The legacy I chose to leave is one of never give up. God may close on door, however there will be an open window if I am willing to look.
I would like to thank Josh for listening to the spirit that told him his mother needed him. His cute wife who meet me the day I totally feel totally apart and still likes me. Tyler for just loving me without needing to judge me, Ashley for her prayers. Brooke for coming to a group session that was a little uncomfortable for her but doing it because she loved me. Jason for always be kind. Heather for calling me and loving me and I am sure Travis prayed for me. Tess for just being who she is, which is a kind compassionate person. Patty and Wesley for taking time out of their crazy life and dealing with cancer, for coming to check up on me.
This is strange and I know it before I write it. I would like to thank the spirit that dwells within me for not giving up on me. My guardian angels have had to work overtime to keep me going. They are a little overworked and need chocolate.
I have good friends, good family and the best adult children (oxy moron) and the cutest critters ever to walk crawl the earth. My life is good. I am grateful for that. I love my house my yard my garden my job and I actually love me. Me is not to damn bad either.
My 100 days heart challenge is coming to an end. I have loved that. I did not lose all the weight I wanted to, however I look and feel better than I have in a very long time. I am happy and I know it so I run.
After truely living the 365 days, I for a brief moment contemplated sending a Thank You card to him.. That did not last long. I have had one of the hardest years of my life. I have cryed till I was sick and vomitted, prayed till my knees where bruised, ran till my lungs hurt, sat alone so many times I thought I would die. I was not sure I would see a real happy day again. I was sure dead was better than alive. I did not want to read, work, garden or do any craft. I watched all my movies more than once. While watching one of the movies, which I will not mention the movie, there is a line, "You can either, get busy dying or get busy living." It stuck with me for a long time and I really have always liked that line. I pondered this and realized I was not living, not the kind of living I usually did. Which in contrast must mean I am dying.
Again pondering and sitting by my computer, I looked up and had placed many photos of God's gifts they he sent in my life. I broke down and cryed hard and realized there where 5 one on the way sweetest things on this earth, who did love me. What kind of legacy do I want to leave to all the critters that will come into my life? I feel to my knees on my favorite purple praying rug and thanked Heavenly Father for the wonder PARENTS of these precious souls and for the precious souls. The legacy I chose to leave is one of never give up. God may close on door, however there will be an open window if I am willing to look.
I would like to thank Josh for listening to the spirit that told him his mother needed him. His cute wife who meet me the day I totally feel totally apart and still likes me. Tyler for just loving me without needing to judge me, Ashley for her prayers. Brooke for coming to a group session that was a little uncomfortable for her but doing it because she loved me. Jason for always be kind. Heather for calling me and loving me and I am sure Travis prayed for me. Tess for just being who she is, which is a kind compassionate person. Patty and Wesley for taking time out of their crazy life and dealing with cancer, for coming to check up on me.
This is strange and I know it before I write it. I would like to thank the spirit that dwells within me for not giving up on me. My guardian angels have had to work overtime to keep me going. They are a little overworked and need chocolate.
I have good friends, good family and the best adult children (oxy moron) and the cutest critters ever to walk crawl the earth. My life is good. I am grateful for that. I love my house my yard my garden my job and I actually love me. Me is not to damn bad either.
My 100 days heart challenge is coming to an end. I have loved that. I did not lose all the weight I wanted to, however I look and feel better than I have in a very long time. I am happy and I know it so I run.
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